Guest Post: Here I am, world.

A perspective of a new student coming to Southeastern University.

“Well, for one, I have just about the worse case of writers block. Which is a horrible shame because since I’ve caught the nasty illness, I’ve also done an innumerable amount of things that I’ve never done before. Trivial and vital. Gone through (am going through) life altering transitions. Some that hurt- in the wrong AND right way. All are healing. Things that matter when it comes to the documentation of my life, though shamefully all they’ve gotten is a collective journal entry of two words: “Too much.” ..and apparently I’ll expect myself to fill in the dots later on. The superstitious part of me is scared to write of anything notable in fear that I’ll “jinx” it. The other part of me is scared of the power my words hold. Both are falsely based, but either way I’ve settled with keeping my hands at bay, accepting the block and even seriously considered changing my major to Pre-Med. Only problem is that I’m scraping by to pass Liberal Arts, so I’m not too sure about that whole Calculus II deal.

Every day seems to get a little more “homey” here at Longfellow Boulevard. A lonely little home, but it’s getting somewhere. Forgive my vanity, but I’ve realized I’m very used to being known. Rather, known enough. And, ironically.. seeing as though I’ve been the “new girl” several times in my life, it’s just not the easiest thing to up and move away and make new friends. I’ve yet to be weened off of my gps and the only place I can confidently get myself to is Starbucks. These last few weeks have seen a whole lot of U-turns and even a shouting match with a couple tears because- among other things- I just really, really don’t like that computer generated woman telling me where to go. And making new friends has seen me make a fool of myself. By that I mean tripping on staircases, falling off of benches mid-conversation, going in for a handshake with a fist full of trash, forgetting every single name I introduce myself to, and the most awkward and forced conversation I have ever made in my life. And I’m doing this thing where if you ask me how anything in my life is going.. I immediately divert it to how beautiful the architecture or weather is. Somehow it all ties in, right…

That and I’m trying this new thing called “fully trusting God.” I don’t know, it’s foreign enough to me. The past month has also seen a lot less repetitive prayer (though still just as fervent) but instead more open palms accompanying a silent and waiting heart. Taking after the Jesus that was asleep in the bottom of the boat amidst the storm and letting Him still me while I pass through it. At least until He stands up on my bow and calls it all to peace.”

For more posts visit: http://bailiegrossman.tumblr.com

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